Beyond Passivity

This is the difficult part. Well, difficult is relative. But, this, this sitting in my chair, on my computer, morning sun shining in the windows threatening a hot, lazy day... This is where I struggle. I love sitting in class, passively absorbing. Now it's time to do the work. That mountain of homework smelling up my peace of mind from within my 52 pound backpack jammed full of books and notebooks is taunting me. I haven't even eaten breakfast yet because that means standing up and beginning. I have fantasies of the brain fog dissipating in the heat of my mind afire. But I suspect it will only clear gradually as I slog through math problems, one at a time.

So I go.

For Today and Many Days to Come

Down in the basement of the Multi Media classroom building of WSU Vancouver, the air conditioning is roaring. One would never know that it's bright and sunny outside. The fluorescent lights are flicker dancing on the shiny white tile floor. Twenty minutes to go before my last class of the day.

I had time to drive in to Salmon Creek and stop by Peet's Coffee. It was hot, so I thought something icy would be good. I forget what they call this icy blended beverage, but it isn't really scratching that coffee itch. Too much sugar, not enough java, I think.

This basement thing is kind of weirding me out... making me a little claustrophobic. Maybe it will be good in the winter. Cozy. Probably not, though, what with the fluorescent light thing. Still.  I'm glad to be here. Between Anthro classes I perched myself on a hill overlooking the blue foothills shadowed by the bright white scarred peak of Mt St Helens. It was beautiful. Made me glad to just be there. Breathing. Seeing.

The Power of Dissent

Today I posted a link to a Bitch Magazine article on my Facebook page. It's about the history of Feminism and the uglier underbelly of some of our feminist heroes. I loved it. Some didn't. In answer to the criticism, " I find it misinformative and not grounded in actual fact. She has taken small bits of info about the trailblazing women she's listed and twisted that info to suit her agenda." 


I wrote, "In my opinion, those tidbits of information are not meant to invalidate the contributions of the trailblazers, but to remind us of the weaknesses in the feminist movement(s). No one is perfect. We are all products of our times - and all, as activists, people for whom "the way things are" is not good enough. We all expect more.

So, today, as we celebrate the right to speak up as full citizens and vote, it is also urgent that we acknowledge both how far we've come *and* how far we have to go. I don't think it's unfair or unjust to look back upon the mistakes and wrong-thinking of even the people we most admire. It's crucial that we do so in order to keep the work of justice alive and well, rather than forcing very human predecessors onto pedestals of sanctity and obsolescence.

If we don't take the time to dig through our own histories, willing to confront the less pleasant details, how can we respect ourselves or expect anyone else to respect what we're doing? That people do the best they can in the times they live does not necessarily reflect poorly upon them - but if we refuse to step up and declare that some things can and must be done better now, what's the point of continuing?"

This got me thinking about why I value the less-pleasant aspects of truth-seeking and the humanizing of our idols and it occurred to me that its roots are in the deceit I found heartbreaking in the subculture of the religion of my youth. The corrections made possible by criticism and peer review make trust possible. So here's the background on why I'm so thankful to the tellers of unpleasant truths...

This About Sums it Up

I've been having a glitch-in-the-matrix sort of day. Going through the motions of life and detachedly observing the quirks and surreality of... well... reality.

And I had the great good fortune to happen along a beautiful post over at Shakespeare's Sister. As someone who has been told I expect too much from people or have too much faith in humanity (yeah, these are accusations that tend to be generated by the same people... not sure how I'm supposed to interpret that), this blog post made me want to do a bit of a happydance.

Oh how I love the internetz.

The Down Side of Up

I'm feeling much better today. Better enough that I have energy to complain about how crappy the past few days have been. The story goes like this: hijinks, hijinks, antibiotics, strange bad feelings, freaky almost passing out with nausea and wonky fatigue, urgent care. Super high blood pressure. Talk of kidney scans and adrenal tumors and kidney failure. Visit to regular doctor. Listen to old crusty doctor rant about Urgent Care quacks, ordered to throw meds away and not take any more and come back next week.

So that doctor thing was yesterday. Two foregone doses of abx later, I'm feeling well enough to be here bitching about how all my joints hurt and how swollen my feet and hands are, and how my back aches and how this crazy fatigue is making parenting really suck for both me and my kids. Hopefully, in the next day or two, I'll feel well enough to quit complaining and go do fun stuff.

You know, fun stuff. Like anything that doesn't involve laying around pouting.

Deep Thoughts, Except Not

I've started at least three different polemics chock full of links and stuff, only to find myself getting annoyed with my own bullshittery halfway through and shelving the whole thing. Maybe I'll finish them off when I'm in a better head space. Maybe not. I'm kinda busy with navel-gazing about why I'm blogging about this stuff and what I think it might accomplish.

Having a rather short attention span when it comes to self-absorption, I'm kinda getting over that already and just want to write about whatever interesting happenings or thoughts cross my path/brain. Have coffee. Talk. No big whoop.

Plus, I have links to the blogs of deeper thinkers/polemicists than I'll probably ever be... probably because I enjoy reading and thinking about their work so much that I'm usually content to react - occasionally write about my thoughts on their thoughts - and move on.

So. Today's tasks were to cancel a dental appointment, make an appointment for a renal scan and to get results from my cardiac event monitor, work on changing my Fall schedule for school (Abnormal Psych - while a subject that fascinates me - does not make the cut for a schedule that stays focused on working rapidly to finish my degree), play hostess to G-Rex's awesome friend (they're 10 - it seems corny to call it a playdate), catch up on the housewifery and get it all done in time to make dinner and hit the gym after. I have the first two done and now I'm trying to gather energy for the rest while the kids + awesome friend play upstairs.

Deep thoughts are fabulous, but sometimes life makes getting all talky about them prohibitive.

Oh, and I'm reading Deer Hunting with Jesus in my spare minutes. Awesome book.

Grades, Approval and Blogging

Grades are in for Summer semester. 4.0. I'm so happy. I was terrified of the final papers and sure that I was incompetent in academic writing. So much for that. Maybe I can do this, after all.

I'm having a bit of a struggle with what to do with the blog, right now.

My life has changed so much and most of the writing I do centers around feminism and skepticism. The subjects I take on for both are likely to be highly offensive to people I care deeply for. So I haven't been blogging. I'll probably jump back into it for realz in the next few days... but it may be rough and awkward (worse than usual) while I figure out the balance of speaking my heart and mind with my preference of not deliberately hurting people. Meh.