Monday, April 12, 2010

Moving on... Moving On... Nothing to see here.

I love the sense of control I get when a day starts well. Laundry going, kitchen usable, toys out for playing, but haven't taken over the house... it's good. Bayba has been doing crafts all morning. Mugga has a cold, but is doing much better than yesterday. Right now she's chilling on the sofa watching Dora.

I recently started a new med: Clonidine. It's technically for blood pressure, but increasingly used for anxiety, PTSD and ADHD.
Some of the worst side effects (like overwhelming lethargy) are fading a bit. And I just realized, last night, that (despite how it probably sounds from the last few entries) I'm dealing with some schtuff more productively.

For instance - and this is a biggie for me - I have a whole list of phone calls that need to be made today and it's not stressing me out. People who know me and have had to work around my absolute loathing of the telephone will understand how huge that is. Cause it is. Huge.

I noticed last night that things generally seemed better. My marriage felt more solid. I wasn't as worried about miscellaneous kid stuff. My husband and I decided to go ahead with minivan shopping - even though I need a lot of dental work and have tuition for Summer and Fall semesters coming up and no financial aid in sight. And I'm OK. It could be interesting figuring all this out and I realize there will probably be some significant hurdles to deal with... and I am accepting that without obsessing over preparation for every single thing that might possibly go wrong. It's not that we aren't prepared. It's just that I can say, OK, this is what I can do... and pretty much shrug of all that stuff I think I should be doing - you know the stuff I would be doing if I were a better person. Kinda silly, but there ya go.

Especially considering the PTSD stuff jumping up for an encore, this is very good. Very, very good.

1 comment:

  1. Yessss. I love positive steps in the right direction.