I am sitting in my chair, surfing through every email account, social networking account and all the local news sources. I am not actually interested in any of these things. I am avoiding.
What horrible event am I avoiding (you may be dying to know)?
Swimming. I kinda told the kids that I might let them stay in the pool after today's swim lessons. It's family swim, so GERD-Girl and I will don swimwear and join them in the pool. I really really really really don't want to.
How lame is that?
I can't think of an excuse to skip it... and I've been desperately sorting through the emergency files of my brain to come up with some other plan - no matter how extravagant.
The worst part is that I don't really know why I'm feeling this way. So I'm doing everything I can to suck it up and not give in to what seems to be some anxiety/depression combination. I don't want my kids growing up with a billion memories of the things mommy *almost* did with them. I don't want to be a person who doesn't follow through.
It disgusts me that I'm freaking out so much about going swimming.
Why is it so hard to just turn of the computer and go make my kids happy?